Actually, I am better than I was about 3 p.m. today when I was in the middle of a perfect storm of seething rage. So, shall I fill you in? Let me. Please.
My hubs, as I may have mentioned here, is currently in graduate studies to acquire his MBA. He is now applying for internships in his field for Spring semester. He had a phone interview last week, has another in person interview tomorrow, and he had sent his information to one other company, as well. My hubs was not actually aware of this last company, but the company had been recommended to him by a client in his current job as well as a close personal friend of ours. The close friend also happens to be the BFF of the wife of the company's owner. So he sent in his information, via email, two weeks ago. His cover letter went something like this:
Dear Mr. Big Business Owner,
My name is Mr. Bunny, and I am a graduate student at Local University seeking to secure an internship during 2012 Spring semester. One of your current clients, Ms. Client, suggested Big Business as an excellent firm to approach. In addition, Ms. Wife BFF, who is a good friend of mine and my wife’s and whom I understand is a close friend of your wife, felt that your firm would provide a wide realm of opportunities and experiences within the field. (blah, blah and so on)
Now I need to explain something that will be VERY relevant to this tale in just a minute. My hubs has a first name which is unisex. Like Robin, Kelly or Adriane. Keep that in mind.
Two weeks pass. No reply. Then today, I see this email on my cell phone (direct copy but name changed to protect the innocent, not the asshole):
From: Mr. Big Business Owner
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011 12:55 PM
To: [Husband] and [Wife] [Bunny]
Subject: RE: Internship with Big Business
Note that “it” is married. I will not tell you who, but one of the people that “it” mentions is a gay female, so MAYBE [Bunny] is “its” “significant other”. Just too much there.
Please respond, “thanks but no thanks”. HA!
As I read this reply, I became sick to my stomach, then hot in my face, then I started shaking from rage. And then I welled up with tears of anger. That motherfucknig asshole. In case you don't understand, our friend...his wife's BFF...is a lesbian. He inferred, when he saw my husband's name....and my name in the "To" line....that we were also lesbians, a couple. Oh, you asshat.
How many wrong things are here? Let's count. First, he obviously hit "reply" rather than "forward" so the jackass does not know how to use email. Then, the asshole PUT IN WRITING hateful, discriminatory statements about hiring someone. He made a ridiculous assumption about my hub's gender (which, if he had bothered to read my hub's references, he would have known was wrong since my hub's professors generously sprinkled "his" and "he" throughout the letters). He made another assumption about our relationship. And the use of "it"??? Seriously?? He thinks gay people are "its"??
I was SO. SO. ANGRY. SO. ANGRY. After showing the email to a few key people at my office, I decided I had to show our friend. And I was seeing her this evening. So, when I saw her, I showed her. And she was SO. SO. ANGRY. SO. ANGRY. And she was also upset because she thought her referral had blown the chance for hubs. Which I never even considered. I was just ecstatic my hubs will not be working for that asshole. Ever.
I spent the afternoon crafting my reply. Sadly, we live in a small ass-backwards town and the hubs IS going to be looking for a job in a year in this field so I had to be careful to not piss this man off. Luckily, my good Southern mother schooled me in the fine art of passive-aggressive bitch slapping, otherwise known as telling people to fuck off with a smile on your face. Here was my reply (direct copy but name changed to protect the innocent, not the asshole):
I thought you would wish to know that you hit "reply" rather than "forward" when sending the email below which, it seems, was not your intent. Please do not worry, however, about resending to the appropriate party. I will inform my husband, [FIRST] William [LAST], of your reply. Should Ms. Client or Ms. Wife BFF inquire about the status of their recommendations, I will inform them of your reply, as well.
So kind. So helpful. So willing to throw you under the bus, asshole. Of course, he is such a smug jackass, my email probably will not phase him. But at least now he may stew, even just a little, wondering who I am telling and what I am telling them. And I intend to tell many people. Many. With tears in my eyes. At the injustice and unfairness lobbied against us and our friend. Sniff. Sniff. Seriously, it makes me sick to my stomach on so many levels. And sad. So sad.
Next post will be back to my regularly scheduled boringness of food, pets, and other daily crap from Casa Bunny. Thanks for letting me vent. XO, B.
Well, guess the Hell what?!? That SOB replied. You are going to LOVE this one. Ready?!? Here goes.
Yes, that is what I did alright. You don’t know me and certainly don’t know my heart, so you don’t owe me the opportunity to explain the background behind this. It sounds way more callous and insensitive than it is, but even after an explanation, certainly you may think that it is. I would ask that you give me the opportunity to talk with you or even meet at a place of your choosing for a full explanation. I will leave that decision totally up to you.
Otherwise, the only thing that I can do is apologize that I wrote the email and that you received it. So I do say that I am so sorry and I ask your forgiveness about it and hope that you will give me a chance to give you some background as to what led up to some of the words that were used in my email and then you can decide more about who I am.
Please let me know, if you will allow it, when would be a good time to talk or to meet and visit over this. Unfortunately, I will be out of town, with no cell service after today thru next week, returning on Monday, November 7.
Celebrating serving Northeast Georgia for thirty years...
Enhancing Lives Setting the Bar for Asshats
Asshat & Company
Asshat & Company
P.O. Box 666Gainesville, GA 30503
First of all, can I just say "SCORE, BITCHES!" Then, can I say, "REALLY?!?! SERIOUSLY?!? REALLY?!?" I, mean, now I KNOW you are an asshole instead of just THINKING you were one. At least he had the common sense to realize he had shit and fallen back in it (though he didn't have the common sense not to send the first email in the first place). Let's go through this missive, shall we?
First, I think I have a pretty good idea of his heart (a black hole of Hell) and he is right that I don't owe him shit. That fact that his statements were callous and insensitive at all is plenty. And I wouldn't give him the opportunity to shine shit off my shoes.
Now, let's notice that he apologizes for WRITING and SENDING the email but not for what he SAID. And, again, I am not going to him the chance at anything and I sure as Hell do not want to decide who he is. I have wasted enough of my time on this pitiful excuse for a human.
Needless to say, I will NOT be meeting with him. The way I see it, right now I have the upper hand. You know, the one I just bitched slapped him with (lick, lick, says the kitty). I will, however, probably write him a very short reply. Something along the lines of:
I have prayerfully considered your request and find that I am in no way to compelled to meet with you. You are right that I do not know your heart, but I do know mine and I know in my heart there is nothing that would come from our meeting that I wish to experience. As far as your request for forgiveness, it is not mine to give.
Suck it, eat it, and gnaw on the bone, baby. Any other suggestions for replies may be posted in comments. I will keep you posted on future correspondence.