Saturday, September 10, 2011

Really, WalMart?

Oh, peeps, I wasn't going to blog this weekend. I had to work today and thought I would just take the weekend off. Then, I had to go to WalMart and, well, that's all I need to say isn't it?!?

Anyhoodle, some quick back story. Being as I work for a human organization, I have learned the hard way that you wear wash-n-wear clothes to work. Yep. Fur is the best thing I get on me at work. When I first started, I was wearing nice, professional pants and tops. What a fool. It just takes one muddy dog jumping on your dry clean only wool pants (happened!) or a puppy peeing on your suede shoes (happened!) for you to learn really quickly that  wearing "nice" clothes in just plain stupid.

So, over the months, I have invested in some dark jeans and washable chinos, and a slew of embroidered short-sleeve work shirts which is a neat, clean look but very washable. In the winter, I layer my work shirts with basic long-sleeve t-shirts, which is how I found myself in WalMart today...I went in to buy some long-sleeve t-shirts. And, wow, just imagine my.....I cannot even find an adjective....when I saw this t-shirt in the women's section:

Stunning, right?!? An elfin fairy (yes, she has pointed ears!) on a crescent moon. With tie-dye background. Lovely. And then, I saw this:

GASP! Another elfin fairy. A WOODLAND elfin fairy. Who apparently attracts butterflies. And the sticker proudly pronounces that this shirt is PRINTED IN THE USA. Made in China, but printed in the USA. Oh, you can only imagine my American pride. But, wait, there is more.

Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! This one would fit right in at work, no?!? And it too is PRINTED IN THE USA. And next to this gem, was another beauty to behold:

It's a dog eat dog world, bro, so be a fucking wolf. The only way this shirt could be better is if that slogan was screened on the back. But my absolute favorite...the best for last....was this one:

A dove with a dream catcher!! And a rainbow!! Sigh. It's so pretty. I just cannot stand it. And the BEST part?? All these gems can be had for only $9 each!!! I think my fall wardrobe is pretty much set now.

WalMart, us fat ladies really appreciate your keen insight in knowing our love for large wild animals, mystical sexy beings, and Native American folklore. It's like I just had my mind read. I can only hope that spring will bring a whole line of new shirts with clowns. Love, B.


Jeff said...

O M G!!! A true dixieland delight. Wait 'til I tell mommer-and-'em about the deals at da Wallie World.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

WOW, you could wear them to work just once, then use them to mop up puppy pee off your shoes!

Keep it classy ;-)

bunny said...

I don't even know if they are good enough to clean the kennels! :)